don't waste your time

that is what God said to me, "don't waste your time." well he didn't really say those words exactly to me, but that was the gist of it.

Before he "spoke" to me, I was actually having a rough week. It wasn't rough in the sense where everything was bad, woe is me type of a week. It was rough because I was wrestling with myself and getting restless with my thoughts. I began to wonder about certain things in my life and I couldn't shake off the cloud of disgust. I became overwhelmed with thoughts and it was evident even in my own life. I went to work not wanting to be there, not caring to do anything. I knew there was more to life than just being here and doing whatever. I knew that. But for some reason, my heart didn't believe it.

It was this past Saturday, when I went into work again. I felt fatigued and restless. Staring at the computer screen made things worse. I just wasn't right. Pacing around the room didn't help, so I sat back down in my chair and started to clear my mind. That's when God revealed himself to me. Right there, He opened my eyes and showed me how selfish I was. How I was wrestling with myself instead of with Him. He told me that during this process, I just lost sight of Him and it was time to come back. I got out of my seat and picked up my bible memory verses that have collected dust in my back pack and just went at it. All my restlessness just faded away, and I was at peace again. Now with a greater hunger for God, everything else didn't seem to matter. I drove home with the radio off. The only sound in the car was my voice belting out praise songs and the verses I memorized. I knew it all of this was from God because I got it confirmed the next day at church. The sermon was about the disciplined mind. In it, P. Seth mentioned how he wanted to memorize verses more and challenged those who drive to not listen to music or talk radio so they wouldn't be distracted. Crazy that I started doing those things the day before.

I know I may come off as a not so spiritual guy. If you think you're like that too, God will work in your life in ways you might not understand. In the end, being spiritual or holy, in a sense doesn't matter. It's about glorifying God with what you do and following His ways/commands. I'm telling you, it feels great.

sometimes words are better left unsaid

but if you really know the guy, you know what they are.




i know it happens. i know it hurts. But sometimes, it's for the best. You will learn. You will grow. Most of all you will become better if you don't let it consume you. I know because I've been there. In due time, in due time...

all i hear is whine, and you just want his chedda. you wondering what's wrong, it's you, get better

"You kick it like me, no exaggeration necessary
Livin revolutionary, nothin less than legendary
Gangsta shit hereditary, got it from my dad
Flow colder than February with extraordinary swag"
- T.I.

T.I. couldn't put it any better to describe the return of Dr. Leto. He's back with vengeance on the trail of spitting truth for those who can handle it. I'm sure there will be haters. Hell I'll tell you right now, there are haters. But it's alright, because when they hatin the player, they're just frustrated cuz they can't hold their own game. So why the comeback, it's been so long. Yeah, during my hiatus, I saw and felt things that added to the fuel of a comeback. Now, the transition is complete and it's time to share and open up to the world once again. It's no holds barred. Anything goes. Dr. Leto's posts will become a spark for discussions. Hell, I hope you come at me, it'll make things interesting.

Hmm... so what relationship topic will I talk about today? It'll be about how girls complain that there aren't any legit guys around them, when they are blind to see those that are actually right in front of their eyes. To continue off that thought, how girls say they know what they want in a guy, but in the end it becomes clear they really don't know at all.

First of all, the complaining about no guys being around. Sure you gotta vent sometimes, I understand that. But when it becomes constant and persistent, you gonna get a "shut the eff up". Girl please, wake up. I know your "girls" won't tell you to, you guys are suppose to stick together. Even if it's the right thing to do, they still might not do it. They might even lie to get your back. *Applause* that's great loyalty there. But last time I checked, you're eventually gonna have to marry a guy, unless you aren't into that sorta thing. Okay, so I'm getting feedback from the peanut gallery, "What are you talking about?!? We recognize that there are legit guys around us, it's just we don't see ourselves with him." Aight, that's cool that you can see it, maybe you're not so blind after all. I get the chemistry thing too. If I don't match up well with the talent, then she ain't on my level. Everyone does get their right to reject someone if they please. Remember this though, guys usually pursue after the girls, and if you're not getting pursued, then something might be up. Complaining probably won't help you there, but a little change could.

So what does a legit guy look like? Two words for you, Brian Choi. That man is so legit. Honestly, if we dissect the components of Brian, he has what it takes to be called legit. Some may say that he's too much of a hater, but we can overlook that fact. For you guys out there, I'm not saying you gotta try jock Brian's style, but listen up to see what makes him legit. Two things that makes a guy legit: Number 1 : He's ready to make a commitment. I'm telling you ladies, it's hard to find a guy who just wants to settle down with you and focus on the future together. You think guys have their eyes wandering and just leaving their options open, you're absolutely right, they do. But a legit guy has his eyes set on you and nobody else. It's no use complaining if you aren't ready to do that. This leads to Number 2: He's willing to compromise or make changes. Like how you girls love, "it's all about the little things". I feel, however, that it's also about progress. That you see him adapting because of the certain thing that bother you or you dislike. This isn't a one way street though. If you're not doing the same, then don't be surprised when you're dropped off at the curb.

So who doesn't want a legit guy? Funny thing is that most girls don't know what they want. Even if some legit guy had you in his sights, and the chemistry was there. He might just slip right through your fingers because of your indecisiveness, stupidity, your friends telling you what to do, etc. I had a conversation with a friend that went like this:

Friend: yea eff man, sucks to be a legit guy sometimes
me: i know, like you think that's what girls want. a legit guy, not just some nice guy, but a legit one
Friend: they don't know what they want
me: that's so true
Friend: they end up getting convinced by some guy who makes it his goal to get that girl instead of trying to find the right girl . Then he goes back to being his regular self and then the girl complains that he changed

And there you have it, the cycle of crap begins again. Girls will move on and complain about how they they have trust issues and all that jazz because they got done up by some douchebag and their inability to actually know what they want. Then they pass up on the legit guy due to their jadedness. I respect the girl that is trying to figure things out and not even thinking about boys in the process, but once they start talking about getting a man during that time. All respect is lost. The complaining will start up again because they think it's about the guy, but in the end, it's about them.

class act

Today, Tony Dungy announced that he was retiring from his position as head coach of the Indianapolis Colts. He was quoted saying, "I'm at a point, kind of like the Apostle Paul," explained Dungy, "he said, 'If I live, it's good. If I die and go home with the Lord, it's better.'" Dungy will go home to his wife, Lauren, and family in Tampa, as well as home in an earthly sense to do what he calls the Lord's work with various ministry outreach programs that include work with troubled youths and convicted prisoners. (this was taken from Espn's Chris Mortensen) He leaves the Colts after 7 seasons with them, including a Super Bowl title in 2007.

Dang...this guy is unbelieveable. Mad respect to him for the decision he made. He said that he was finally at peace with retiring. In a culture, especially sports culture where money, fame, status is on the forefront of people's minds, Dungy was in it because of God. He did his job and wasn't afraid to mention his calling, his faith, his savior. He did it with class though. Dungy was never bolsterous, flippantly mentioning. Nah, he did it with his actions and words that came from the soul. I'm so glad that he was able to coach my favorite football team, and to lead them to a super bowl as he made history. Colts won't be the same without him, God bless.

it's just temporary

two and a half years ago i wrote this mildly humorous yet truthful post.

"It's not my fault I fell in love...You are the one that tripped me

looking at the title above it is safe to say that one party has blamed the other for their fall into love. it is so often in a relationship that the blame game takes place over meaningless to important things. if things aren't cleared up and continue to be ambiguous, the end of the relationship is the only thing certain. i see miscommunication or even no communication all the time in relationships, by accident or on purpose, however if you want the relationship to grow and hopefully last a lil longer then avoid or minimize it. In the next few passages I will place scenarios, give tips and answer questions on the topic.

One scenario that i see most often is when the boy/girl don't talk to each other anymore for whatever reason. Instead of approaching the other person, they go complain to their friends and most likely make up a reason on why they aren't talking anymore. First off save your friends from hearing complaint after complaint on the same topic. Use that time to think of what you need to say to the other person and talk to them about what's going on. I know it may be awkward or even frightening to approach someone on how you really feel, but this is a significant other we are talking about. They should be understanding to your feelings and vice versa. My point is do not prolong the problem, but be proactive to strive towards a solution.

Another scenario that always seem to happen it wordplay / misinterpretation of something said. When one person doesn't clearly state what is on their mind, they leave too much room for the other person to piece the rest of the puzzle. For example, Person A asks, "how are you doing?" Person B replies with, "oh i'm alright" even though something is up. Person A sees this and asks, "are you sure? you seem like you have something on your mind." Person B replies with, "yea it's nothing..." Many of you prolly assume that Person B is a guy because "guys don't care that much or they shrug it off". I assure you these situations happen to both sides so all these are looked upon objectively, placing the fault on the people not the gender. With that said, being vague in these situations does not help. If something is pulling at your heart to say something, it's doing it for a reason. The longer you hold it in, the more hurt you and your other will feel. Closure is better than regret. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have. "

Naturally I am a thinker, that's who i am. could have, might have, should have: all thoughts running through my mind. There comes a point where I run many different scenarios in my head, thinking what would have happen. But the thing is this, even if I did run a million scenarios, the outcome is the same. It doesn't change the fact. What's done is done. I like to say that I live my life with no regrets. That I accept every outcome because in the end, I have to. Do I understand everything? hell no. Sometimes I think it's better off to just acknowledge what has happened, and not spend too much time thinking about it because it can lead to frustration. There's always that struggle between, how much you think about it though. Think too much, you're paranoid, think too little, you're heartless. Finding the balance is key. Key to keeping my mind sane and unadulterated cuz it's time to get back to work. There's a lot to accomplish.

the end of an era

change. it has become the cliche word of the year. 2009 is all about change. We all look back at the past year, "learn" from our mistakes, and decide what we are going to do for this upcoming year. we want to change, modify, and one word some of us hmcc-ers know to all to well, transform. We want to become a better person with each year of life we live. We do so by setting up goals or resolutions and in hopes seeing them through. As words just seem meaningless right now, our actions are suppose to speak louder. However, our actions turn from roars into whispers and another year passes leaving us to think and hope for a better new year. Why is it that we run into this cycle over and over again?

For most of us, we have the common sense to recognize what needs to be change. For some of us, even having the desire and passion to change. But only a few of us, have the know-how to maintain that spirit, being consistent. There might be times where a trip up happens, but the determination lives on as their actions do not cease. I can come up with a whole list of excuses: it's my pride, i'm cynical, i've been hurt, yada yada yada. Sure all those things can play a part, but it comes after seeing that "I've failed." We live in a world where successes are highlighted and made a hoopla about, but it's the failures that give us a backbone and shape who we are.

I can tell you, that I've failed. I've failed in being a son, an older brother, a friend, a Christian, a worker, and the list can go on. But i'm not here dwelling on my failures, I see them for what they are, and act accordingly. I'm not gonna sit around and hope change will happen. i'm gonna do ish about it and take back what i've lost. 2009: what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. That's what I'm living by.