stalemate

Potential. All my life, people have been telling me that I have potential. The potential to do and be greater than who I am. As they are saying this to me, the questions that always pops up in my mind is, "isn't that true for everyone? don't we all have the potential to be better? because I am 100% sure that no one in this world has maximized all they can do in their life." I know they are saying this out of love, trying to motivate me to be better, etc. but at the same time in their eyes, they see me as a failure. I can tell by the tone of their voice, the context in which they share it with, and how they look at me. The kicker is that I know that I am a failure. In some sense they are right. I should be doing/being this person I could be because I have the capability to do so. There are so many things I know I could be doing better or right, but I just let it slide because I feel as though my life is A-ok. All my life, I've gotten by with the norm. Mediocre. Slightly better than average. Whatever it takes to "succeed", but not go over the top. In the end, my mind thinks two things: there's always someone that's going to be better than you in whatever you do, so don't waste your time in being better than everyone because it will just consume your life. no matter what the situation may be, as long as I am still alive on this earth, everything will be okay because I know that God is always there.

I look at those people who overachieve, and I wonder if they are ever satisfied. I'm sure they find pleasure in besting someone or receiving recognition/award, but that never lasts. In return, they keep working to get more and it's a never ending cycle. And then I see my life, I've gotten by with everything, and I'm somewhat content with it. I know I could have, should have, would have done things different if I knew the outcome, but I don't. But at the same time, I know not overachieving does not mean that I can be stagnate, or worse, falling the other way. I'm on a very slippery slope. Ultimately, I want my motiviation to be for God and no one else, but when people run the guilt trip on you I find myself either: Doing it for them, so they can shut the eff up or say or do the wrong thing, even if in my heart i know that i'm just going against the flow. I hate myself for doing it, but it just happens. All I know is that I've hit a bump in the road, and I'm not who I could be. I want to be all these things and I will do what I can to get there, but most of all finding stength in Him only when I am weak. It comes back to the word, potential. Everyone has it, whether it's a lot or a little. I think in the end it's not about being/doing better because you won't be the best. However, it's about doing what is right. Someone once asked me, "Are you loving God with what you are doing?" At that time, I couldn't say yes to that question even if I wanted to come up with an excuse or trying to rationalize it, and I can't say yes now.

choices

Lately, the joke of the town has been FML, which means F*** my life. There's a site for people to write about their situation and how it sucks for them and they usually end the bit with FML. From an objective point of view, some of them are pretty funny. Actually, it's hilarious. It's so easy to laugh at others misfortunes because it really does suck for them. Psychologically, I think it's easy for you to laugh because it makes you feel better about your own life. It's nice knowing that your life isn't that bad compared with someone else. Yeah...somewhat messed up, but that's the way it is. Hmm... so the title of the post is "choices", but what does FML have to do it them?

Basically, another reason why FML is funny is because of this fact. Whatever misfortune or mishap that person experiences, it takes them by surprise. Thus, giving the reason of saying F*** my life, because there was nothing they could have done about it. It just happened. They couldn't have prevented it by choice. Ah and there we go. The word, choice, is brought back into the conversation. I'm writing about choice because as people we love to have the choice, a choice, whatever choice, to impose our free will in our lives. (whether or not making the right choice, that's a different topic) However, more often than not, we don't realize how our choices really affect our lives. We want to blame anything/anyone other than ourselves. We scapegoat because we think that it isn't our fault, but if you only stopped to think and instead of unleashing a cornicopia of emotion. Maybe, just maybe you would see the real reason why you got into that situation, or said the things you said was because of the choices you made.

It's easy to complain when things don't go our way. Hell I'm guilty of this as well. Now though I've come to realize that instead of complaining about things, why not just accept it and continuing living life with this experience/knowledge gained. Everything isn't about you, it just isn't. I've had to learn it the hard way, but now that I have, I can say that it's worth it. So if you want to keep complaining, i'm sure there are millions of people out there who have it worst that you. There is prolly nothing "FML" worthy about your life and if you think you do, I can prolly top it with something worse. But that's the thing, life goes on, and with it more choices to make. Making the right ones, well, only time will tell.

second chances

A friend wanted me to write about second chances. Not just second chances in general, but second chances when it comes to relationships. I'll tell you right off the bat, I'm all for second chances. There's an aspect of forgiveness, mercy, etc. However, there are circumstances in which a second chance might not be granted due to various reasons , and that's understandable. Even though I am for second chances, I realize the possibility of one is rare. Not included within the second chances realm are those couples that go on breaks, but they still talk to each other and then eventually get back together. Nah, I'm talking about people who broke up, went to minimal contact with each other, and then realized later on that maybe they were meant for each other or try to work out those differences/reasons they broke up in the first place. Haha it's no wonder it's so rare, after reading that last sentence, there has to be a lot of recognizing and action taking place. Also the fact that both people need to be on the same page after they weren't makes it seem even harder. I'm not trying to discourage you by this, but to offer the reality of the situation. However, what does it take for a second chance to happen? Well this is the part my friend wanted me to address.

Seeing that in most cases of a break up, a breach of trust/understanding surfaces as the reason for the split. Something was done or even not done to affect the person's mind and heart about the other person. Because of this case, the person has a lot to prove to the other person. It takes humility for both parties. The person who is at "fault/wrong" must realize what they did was wrong, and must have the desire to change. At same time, the person who was wronged, must not be jaded and accept the fact that there is progress in the change. Instead of thinking that the other person won't change and just leave it at that. This is the surface of what it looks like, to go in depth is the hard work, dedication, and action poured in. Some may have it easier than others, maybe it is meant to be for some.

There's usually two adages that go with second chances. The first one is "never say never" and the second one is "if it's really meant to be, it will happen". I fully believe in both. Yes you can never say never, because you really don't know what can happen. However, you can get close to never by closing doors/opportunities. It just comes down to making choices and picking what path you're gonna take. With the second adage, it's easy to believe that if something is meant to be it will happen. That's awesome to think that. But once again, it comes down to your choices. Even if it was meant to be, you can't just sit back, do nothing, and know that it's gonna happen. I do agree that sometimes being proactive is taking a step back, but there has to be a point in time where being proactive means action. In the end it's about sticking to what you decide to act out. I was talking to a friend about this and told them, "There's always the possibility, but know your priorities." I know what mine are, do you?